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    尋覓驚喜的孩子

    時間:2018-12-30 15:56來源: 作者:懿宇 點擊:
      

    “或許也有所愛隔山海,而山海不可平。我們生來就是孤獨,這些深情這些愛也不過是無處安放。很多事情看清了也就不在乎了,不在乎了也就絕望了。是不是少年,好像還真不好說,淡漠到失去熱忱的時候就會覺得自己老了,而某些瞬間,甚至無法描述那個瞬間,仍舊是個長不大的孩子,只能任憑無疾而終。”

    當我在網易云看到這條置頂評論的時候,頓感悲愴且又連著無可奈何,世間萬事大抵都脫不開被稀釋的命運,就像我在《意恐遲遲歸》中寫下的“賞味期限”便是此理,他們長短皆有,數月數年抑或是鮮少有人觸到的終我一生。

    暑假的時候粗糙看過王小波的時代三部曲,我很慚愧,只是“瀏覽”而非“精讀”,因為王小波大多作品無一不引人深思而真切實在,其中尤以《青銅時代》《白銀時代》《黃金時代》為最。我喜歡王小波,因為他筆觸中蘊著中國文學為數不多的坦誠與真實,那種雄渾之氣又不禁令人折服敬佩。提及王小波當然不能漏了他的有趣與情懷,能寫出“人擁有此生此世是不夠的,他還需要一個詩意的世界”的人,注定不是貧瘠無趣的作家,每每讀他的雜文,如飲甘露,如醉春風。

    而我最愛的是他的深情,因為當你第一眼看到他的時候,實在想象不到以他平庸甚至丑陋的相貌,是如何入的了李銀河的眼,直到你開始領略他的有趣,他的真實,他的愛,才會明了那縷有趣的靈魂、那些裹著炙熱的愛是多么令人著迷,就像他自己說的:“我把我整個靈魂都給你,連同他的怪癖,耍小脾氣,忽明忽暗,一千八百種壞毛病。它真討厭,只有一點好,愛你。”而這些,在如今那些充斥著外表、短暫興趣與性的所謂愛情之間,彌足罕見。

    再回到最開始的那些“山海不可平與淡漠”,更像是小孩子對于愛情的曲解,頗有些為賦新詞強說愁的味道。真正的愛情,此生一次便已足夠,一次之后,寧愿荒蕪抑或無疾而終,可那些暗涌的故人曾經,依舊可以超越歲月與方域的阻隔,奔騰不息地照亮彼此或繁華或寂寥的長夜。不可冥滅。

    所以真正的愛情大抵是;所愛隔山海,此亦無山海。

    談到自己,其實我對于愛情并沒有太過確切的定義,它可以是“靜下來想你,覺得一切都美好的不可思議”(王小波),也可以是“我就這樣一面看海一面想你”(沈從文);它從指尖跳到裙擺、從眉眼闖入心房,蹦蹦跳跳,無樂不作,不止是你,只要想起與你有關的事,一呼一息都帶著歡喜。

    一如我對浪漫的希冀一樣,我不是一個善于制造浪漫的人,我只是一個尋覓驚喜的孩子,永遠赤誠,永遠熱淚盈眶。


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