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    殘缺的夢想

    時間:2018-11-04 16:40來源: 作者:尋千223 點擊:
      


    那一年,她18歲,他21歲。她穿著來不及換下的芭蕾舞鞋向他奔去。手里拿著發燙的獎杯,推開門后,看到的卻是冰冷病床上安靜熟睡的他,周圍的空氣凝結。她跪倒在地,手里的獎杯滑落,滾落在墻角無人問津,寂靜中芭蕾舞盒的音樂聲格外刺耳。噓,聽有什么東西破碎的聲音,那是她的夢,是她的心……

    那一年,她6歲,他9歲。她捧著一個音樂盒,坐在小院里的木椅上哭泣,看著手中那旋轉著的芭蕾舞者,再看看周圍還笑打鬧的孩子,她越發的難過。就在幾分鐘前,她被自己叫了幾年的“小姑”送進這陌生的地方—-孤兒院。她看見小姑和一位年長的大人在交流了幾句便離開了。模糊的字眼卻愈發刺耳,“車禍”,“雙亡”,“無能為力”,“拜托了”。她不懂,一直哭著。不顧別人的嬉笑打鬧,他走近她的身邊,拿出手帕毫不客氣地說:”你不準哭,把眼淚擦掉。”他的臉上沒有任何表情,卻顯得蒼白。她被這殘酷的溫柔嚇住,停止了哭泣。這是相遇,也是緣分的開始。

    那一年,她8歲,他11歲。他因為多病身子弱一直沒有人來領養,而她變得美麗可愛,更加懂事,有很多人要求帶她走,但每次她都是裝病,她不是不想離開,她只是不想離開他。她還記得最初他說的一句不準哭,她記得第一次見面后他所說的話,脆弱的人讓人討厭,在這家孤兒院里,每個人都在很努力地把真正的自己藏起來,為了被優秀的家庭選走,大家都想辦法在大人面前扮演著乖巧聰明的樣子。不能任性,不能害怕,更不能掉眼淚,因為這些都是沒用的東西。難過時,她會看著那個音樂盒,盼望著擁有自己的舞臺。

    那一年,她12歲,他15歲。她更加清楚自己的夢想,成為一名芭蕾舞者去到自己向往的舞臺,但她的夢想里有他。不知各種藥物治療帶來的疼痛時刻提醒著他,回到現實,自己不能耽誤她。他喜歡看她在院子里跳舞,像個精靈一樣,她是那樣美那樣好,這籠子搬的庭院不能關住她,他不能讓自己毀掉她的夢想,他真的很在乎她的一切。一天,一位芭蕾舞家來到這所孤兒院,她想要帶走一個女孩。人群里一眼便看見了她。她動搖了,她仿佛看見自己向往的大舞臺,但是想到他,她耷拉著腦袋不知如何是好。這天,他做了一個或許會讓自己后悔一輩子的決定,他走向她正如初見那樣,臉上卻帶著笑容:”去追求你的夢想吧,每個人都有自己的人生路要走,有些痛苦和轉變是必須自己去經歷的。我一直在,守候你的夢想,現在到你去追求了。”她看向他,她不知道怎么才能告訴他,比起她的夢想他更加重要。她看向他的眼,那是期待是希望,最終她選擇了離開,帶著他的信任去追尋她的夢。她把自己的音樂盒留給了他,把不能說的愛與思戀留了下來。

    那一年,她16歲,他19歲。她在一所舞蹈學院學習,她經常給他寫信,告訴他自己在這所學院經歷的一切,她的朋友,她的老師,她在新家庭的生活。這里的人們對她都很好,從來沒有瞧不起她。有時因為一段舞步跳的不好,她的養母會生氣會失望批評她,她的一切委屈與難過全部給了他。在回信里,他一直鼓勵她詢問她的一切,他是如此地思戀她,卻總是在信尾留下“勿念”。他的身子一天不如一天,他沒有告訴她,他正在醫院里,在這令人窒息的空間里感受這疼痛,想她。他很痛苦很絕望。后來他實在沒有力氣提筆寫字,信斷了,心死了。她沒有了他的消息,一次次的關心沒有了后續,有人告訴她,他在某某醫院里,一直在接受治療。她瘋了般的去尋找,推開病房的一剎那,她看見了自己日思夜想的人,沒有了往日那樣的精神,愈發瘦弱,臉色更加蒼白。她看著他一直哭一直哭,他難過心疼,強忍著病痛拍著她的頭,告訴她:”我喜歡你開心的樣子,我想要看你跳舞,你相信我我會會好起來的,不要為我難過。”她哭著不知如何是好,她不敢碰他,那是一碰就碎的夢,她不愿離開,但是他放棄了一生去守護她,為了他,她繼續追求著不完整的夢。

    18歲那年,在舞蹈比賽上她獲得了第一名,她不顧一切地奔向他,她只想他開心。但是她所看到的是她一生中的絕望。無盡的黑暗吞噬著她的心,墜落墜落,,,,,,

    他走了,不想任何人提起,在床頭的音樂盒下面,留下了一封信:

    親愛的妹妹:

    原諒我的不辭而別,最后痛苦離開的樣子唯獨不想你看見。我很后悔最初沒有緊握你的手,沒能看著你把夢想實現。我不知道怎么才能告訴你,世間繁華不及你。一次次的病痛讓我絕望,但我是多想能陪著你看著你。每個人都會走,只是先后順序不同而已。我很抱歉走在了你的前面,但我永遠為你驕傲。世上只有一個你,好好對自己,你一直活在我的世界你。一個人至少擁有一個夢想,一個理由去堅強,我希望我能成為你堅強的理由。

    愛你的哥哥

    她哭了,為他的離開,為來不及說出口的愛。他一直把自己當作妹妹,這樣的字詞把一切希望都阻擋了。沒有他的夢想不完整,她很累,她想回到見面的那一天,沒有哭泣沒有難過,只說一句:”你好,我的夢想。”

    那一年,她82歲,他早已離開。她坐在曾經孤兒院的木椅上,回憶著以往的一切。她睡著了,在夢里她看見了幼師的他與自己,她緊緊地握住了他的手,他看向她,他們走著笑著,去到了向往的地方,這一次她不想只是妹妹,她想成為他的夢想。她安靜地睡著,嘴角笑意未減。

    噓,別去吵醒她。


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