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    我的姥娘

    時間:2018-12-30 14:53來源: 作者:最真的夢 點擊:
      

    濟南深夜的霓虹燈依然璀璨,寬闊的馬路上此刻已不再是車水馬龍,喧鬧的城市也安靜了許多。我獨自一人坐在窗前,默默地望著無人的窗外,靜靜地聽著《酒干倘賣無》,聽著聽著,眼淚不自覺地流了下來,我又想起了我的姥娘。

    姥娘,對于我來說就是親娘,比親娘還親的娘。

    母親把我生到姥娘家就去了大城市。我從小是姥娘一把屎、一把尿地拉扯長大的,不知道父愛和母愛是什么滋味,也不知道爸爸媽媽怎么叫,第一句學會的話是“姥娘”,甚至剛懂事的時候小伙伴們罵我是沒有爸媽的孩子,我經常哭著鬧著跟姥娘要爸爸媽媽,而姥娘卻始終沉默不語。

    姥娘生下我母親后就失明了。現在想起來,像我這么調皮、任性的孩子,能被雙目失明的姥娘帶大,是多么的不容易啊!

    記得我五歲時的一天,我跟鄰居家妗子去河邊洗衣服,不知從哪里突然跑來一只大瘋狗,把我左側的胳膊咬了五六口,左側屁股上也被咬了一大口。村里的人把大瘋狗轟走后,我哭著被鄰居抱回姥娘家,姥娘雖然看不見,但是聽鄰居說我那瘦小的胳膊被瘋狗咬的血淋淋的,快斷了,我姥娘也心疼差點暈過去。當時姥娘沒錢,她就拄著拄棍領著我去鄰居家借錢,又讓鄰居家的舅舅趕緊帶我去鎮上打了預防針并進行了簡單的包扎。我回到家后,心疼的姥娘一晚上沒有睡覺,一個勁地在那自責自己沒有把我照看好。好在我命大,既沒有感染也沒有留下明顯的傷疤。

    小時候,我特別特別饞。看到鄰居家的孩子們都去打爆米花吃,我也想吃,就跑回家給姥娘要錢。那時五毛錢便可以打一大袋子爆米花。可姥娘沒有錢,我饞勁上來了,就使勁跟在姥娘屁股后面哭著要錢,姥娘生氣了,就用拄棍打我,我當時也很倔,姥娘打我,我也不跑,就在她的拄棍下任她老人家打,最后鄰居家的奶奶看不下去了,就打了一大鍋爆米花給我吃,我心滿意足的吃著,也不管姥娘的氣消沒消。

    后來我上了小學,姥娘雖然眼睛看不見,但是她仿佛能感覺到天黑。每到晚上,她就把燈給我打開讓我趕緊寫作業,我就邊寫作業邊自己念叨著數學算數,有時算錯了,姥娘聽到,就會告訴我正確答案。我當時就說:“姥娘您雖然看不見,但是您好厲害啊,還會算題呢?”姥娘就笑笑,不說話。其實我知道姥娘的眼睛是真的看不見,她連我媽長什么樣都不知道,更不用說我了。但是,我姥娘特別的聰明、能干,她能自己把線穿到針上,給我做衣服穿。我當時還小,不知道姥娘用的什么辦法,能把線穿到針上,后來才知道她是用了兩個針,一個針挑著線,往另外一個針里穿,現在想想就算是正常的人也未必能夠做到這一點吧。姥娘還能自己爬上高高的房頂去曬糧食,有時我也會跟著往上爬,可我那會的膽子特別小,害怕自己在房頂上掉下來,可姥娘居然一點也不怕。現在想起當時的場景,我都替姥娘后怕,萬一掉下來摔著咋辦?姥娘就是這樣為了我無怨無悔的做著一切,默默的承受著一切。

    姥娘最愛吃的就是胡蘿卜水餃,有一次我和姥娘正吃著水餃呢,姥娘突然間“啊”了一聲,問我:“她咬到什么東西了,那么硬?”我一看是只死壁虎,我當時哈哈大笑,說:“姥娘您怎么會把壁虎給包到水餃里了啊?”姥娘說:“不知道啊!”估計是那壁虎死了掉到面里去了,然后姥娘就把它給煮熟吃了。現在想想我當時怎么能夠笑的出來呢,我該是很心疼雙目失明的姥娘才對。

    每年一到夏天就經常的出現雷雨天氣,一到打雷的時候,我就害怕地鉆到姥娘的懷里,有一次我在院子里上廁所,突然間一個雷聲過來,嚇得我提著褲子就往姥娘身邊跑,姥娘摟著我說:“別怕有姥娘陪著你。”我就使勁的摟著姥娘不放手,我覺得摟著姥娘就安全了。

    由于我和姥娘住的是年代已久的土房子,所以一到下大雨的時候,房子就會漏雨,我和姥娘就拿盆子接著漏下來的雨水。遇到大暴雨的時候,我和姥娘都很害怕,特別怕房子會被雨水沖倒,我就趴在姥娘懷里期盼著雨快點停,期盼著自己快點長大,好去保護我姥娘,讓姥娘過上好日子。有一天,我放學回來,看到大門口的墻角有條綠色的小蛇,嚇的我一步也不敢走,我就使勁的哭著喊姥娘,姥娘聽到我的哭聲,拄著拄棍從屋里趕緊出來了,但是由于姥娘眼睛看不見,她也沒法弄那條小蛇,姥娘讓我快點去找我舅媽來,等舅媽把小蛇弄走了,我才跑到姥娘身邊抱住姥娘,姥娘趕緊把我領到屋里去,拍拍我的頭說:“別怕,別怕。”

    姥娘對我的疼愛是用盡千言萬語也表達不完的。有時別人給姥娘幾塊糖,姥娘都舍不得吃,都藏起來給我留著解饞吃。有時她把藏在櫥子里的糖忘了,等到我姨她們來給她收拾櫥子發現時,糖都已經化了,不能吃了。然后姥娘就說:“真是可惜啊,早知就給小芹吃了。”然后我就把化了的糖紙拿過來,舔一舔,說:“這樣也很甜。”姥娘笑笑說:“你真是個小饞貓啊。”

    小時候我經常和姥娘坐在院子里乘涼,那時沒有電視機,也沒有收音機,只有村里發的掛在墻上的那種紙糊的廣播喇叭,還是村里統一放音樂,而且聽著也不是很清楚,即便如此,我和姥娘還是聽得很帶勁。到了晚上,我就趴在姥娘懷里看天上的月亮和星星,姥娘說:“月亮里有個人,你能看到嗎?”我就瞪著大大的眼睛看著月亮,看到里面的確像有個人似得。我心想姥娘眼睛又看不見,她怎么知道月亮里有人呢?

    有一次,我和小伙伴去地里撿地瓜回家時,看到姥娘躺在床上哭呢,我問姥娘怎么了,姥娘也不說,就是在那哭,我也跟著哭了,我跪在姥娘床前,我說:“姥娘是不是我做錯什么事了?”姥娘說:“不是,是你二舅不孝順。”我姥娘有六個孩子,我有三個舅舅,兩個姨,我媽是最小的一個。大舅和二舅在老家,小舅舅在東北。因為我姥爺走的早,姥娘又看不見,所以需要大舅和二舅每月輪流給姥娘打水,弄柴火。可是到二舅值日的時候,他就不管了,所以姥娘很傷心的哭了。我給姥娘說:“姥娘以后我幫您打水吧!”姥娘說我太小了,弄不了,因為那時農村都是去井里把水壓上來喝,我年齡小,力氣也小,根本弄不動。后來沒辦法都是讓鄰居幫忙給打了水,然后我再和姥娘用棍子把水抬回去,姥娘心疼我太小,總是把水桶往她那邊放,怕累著我。

    有時我和鄰居家的小伙伴們一起去樹林里,穿著水鞋拿著手電筒去逮知了,然后把知了帶回家去,姥娘也舍不得吃,讓我拿著去換成錢或者雞蛋。我有時也和小伙伴們去河里抓死魚,帶回去給姥娘吃,雖然都是死魚,但我和姥娘吃得津津有味,一邊吃著,一邊我把小伙伴們的趣事講給她聽,姥娘聽了就哈哈大笑。那時的我雖然沒有爸爸媽媽,雖然吃穿住都很艱苦與簡陋,但那個小小的土屋里卻承載著我無數的歡笑與快樂。一個小女孩、一位雙目失明的老人、一間小土房、一個小院子,幾只會打鳴的公雞和幾只會下蛋的母雞陪伴著我和姥娘,我們感到很幸福、也很滿足!

    每年我生日時,姥娘總是想盡辦法給我做好吃的。有一年還把姥娘養的下蛋的雞找人給宰了,放上藕燉燉給我吃,姥娘也總是把肉都給我吃,她喝雞湯。真希望時間停止在那時候,可是在1995年的我生日那天,一切就都變了。我到現在還記得清清楚楚,那時我上小學,早晨起來,姥娘對我說:“你放學后早點回來,今天給你做好吃的,給你過生日。”我就蹦跳著去上學了。因為那時真的很窮,平時什么好東西都吃不上,所以平時就期盼著過年、過生日。那天放學后我就趕緊往家跑。我平時回來都要先喊幾聲:“姥娘我回來了。”可是這次我喊了好多聲,姥娘都沒吱聲,我趕緊往屋里跑,卻發現姥娘倒在了地上。我哭喊著:“姥娘,姥娘。”可是姥娘始終沒有答應。我使出全身的力氣去扶姥娘起來,可是怎么也弄不動她。我就趕緊跑著去找我舅媽。舅媽把姥娘扶起來,姥娘才慢慢醒了過來。舅舅去叫來了醫生,醫生說姥娘是高血壓、腦血栓,那時我也不懂姥娘得的是什么病,只知道姥娘的一側身子不能動了。醫生給姥娘打上了吊瓶,我就哭著趴在姥娘床前,問姥娘:“姥娘您怎么了?”姥娘艱難地說:“我沒事,你去上學吧,別耽誤學習。”我哭著說:“我不去上學了,我要陪著姥娘。”舅舅、舅媽他們看我哭成那樣,也不忍心讓我去上學了。就這樣過了10天,直到十月初十那天晚上,我姥娘一動也不能動了,再也沒有了聲音。我跪在姥娘床前撕心裂肺的哭著喊:“姥娘、姥娘。”哭的我嗓子都啞了,哭到深夜1點多,姥娘還是沒有醒,還是沒有聲音。姥娘就這樣把我一人留下走了,她永遠也聽不到我的呼喊了。

    姥娘走了,我舅舅、舅媽不放心我自己在姥娘家住,讓我跟他們一起住,可舅舅家也沒有我住的地方,讓我在沙發上睡。當時倔強的我非要在姥娘的小土屋里開著燈住,每到晚上就被老鼠來回的跑聲嚇得大哭,無數個夜里我都躲在被窩里嚇得蒙著頭含淚睡去。無數次的早上醒來就看看身邊,那個原來一直躺在這里陪著我,摟著我,哄我睡覺的姥娘去了哪里?那個對我百般疼愛的姥娘,為什么現在卻看不到了呢?您為什么不管我就這樣走了呢?

    到現在姥娘離開我已經23年了,可我還會時常夢到姥娘,我也在夢里哭著喊姥娘:“我好想您,姥娘別走!”可夢終歸是夢,夢里得姥娘不說話,夢醒后想著姥娘對我的百般疼愛與呵護,不禁淚如雨下。是姥娘給了我一個家,是姥娘把我撫養長大,假如沒有姥娘的養育,我的命運該會是怎樣?小時候我就夢想著長大了去當醫生,好把姥娘的眼睛治好,讓姥娘能夠再次看到這個世界,能夠看到我長什么樣子,可是這個愿望還沒有實現,姥娘就走了,去了另一個世界,一個沒有我的世界。姥娘對我的養育之恩似天高,似海深,我今生今世也忘不了,也報答不了她老人家對我的養育之恩。

    現在的我還是很喜歡看月亮,看著月亮想著姥娘,我總感覺姥娘在另一個世界能夠看到我,可我不知道姥娘在另一個世界過得好嗎?那里是不是沒有疾病與痛苦?她的眼睛能看見了嗎?想著小時候和姥娘在一起的一幕幕情景,好后悔兒時怎么那么任性,不聽姥娘得話,總是惹姥娘生氣,如果時光能夠倒流該有多好啊?我一定會好好地聽姥娘的話,好好地孝順姥娘的。

    姥娘我好想您,您知道嗎?


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