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    頭號粉絲

    時間:2018-12-30 15:20來源: 作者:小仙女1994 點擊:
      

    在上班的時候打開抖音,系統提示有新的關注。疑惑中打開列表,伴隨著放大的瞳孔是手機上顯示出和媽媽微信名一樣的用戶名。

    電光火石第一件事就是打開作品列表,審視每一個作品,把所有“見不得人”的作品權限改為自己可見。忙碌了一番后和朋友在微信上吐槽:“我媽關注了我的抖音賬號,嚇死我了。”和朋友扯了幾句,在屏幕上一連串的“哈哈哈哈”中熱淚盈眶。

    我是一個背井離鄉的人,畢業后帶著滿腔的熱情來到了上海。每天在高樓大廈中游走,在做不盡的ppt和開不完的會議里穿行在同事滿面笑容一口一個Besty的稱呼中迷失。最初的一年里打回去的電話少到花不完每個月的贈送時長。其實不止是打回去的電話少,我這個遠離銷售的崗位每個月打出去接進來的電話加起來也花不完贈送時長。

    本想著故鄉在不遠方,風雨兼程的同時抽空回家就好。可這個空一年只能抽出幾天。每每在回鄉過年的車上,整個車廂都是離家的孩子。老家有人在等,就還是孩子。

    可我這個孩子做的不太稱職。

    很少打電話回家,每每在外受了委屈的時候,是不敢打電話回家的。怕一句爸媽就會讓自己所有的武裝潰不成軍。等情緒消化完了再在毫無營養的溝通里每句話表達思念。我自認為已經是個會表達內心感受的人,可每每沉默和尷尬地找話題時還是感覺到力不從心。想起小時候每天放學回家小嘴不停的說著學校里的事,真想問問當初的自己怎么就有那么多話。

    我對父母的思念平時是隱形的,每到黑夜便涌現。如果我不說出口,可能家里會認為我是個生性冷漠的人。可再細想我是什么樣的性格,沒有人比父母更了解,所以他們從不責怪,因為知道我的苦楚和我不愛出聲的性子。

    而父母對我的思念我是最近才知道的。家中有一只小貓咪“元宵”,是我大學時候養在寢室后被宿管發現送回家中的。憑借它那諂媚的性子,儼然在家中地位已經超過我。和父母的溝通中提及最多的也是它。由于從小的嬌生慣養,他的貓糧都由我從網上訂購,需要時爸爸便打電話來遠程指揮,最近它要買貓糧的次數明顯多了起來。冬天到了,貓可能的確吃的多了,以至于一周便要買一次貓糧了。

    可以看出,我爸是個喜歡拐彎抹角表達想念我的人。家里囤積的貓糧就是證據。思念的深了,便總是不經意地會表現出來。有一次翻到他的朋友圈。一張照片,上面那個穿著藝術軍裝拿著風車的小姑娘不是大學時候拍藝術照的我還能是誰呢。照片存在我家中房間的柜子里。偷翻我的柜子被我逮住了吧。可反倒是我像做錯了事的那一個。不敢點贊,不敢留言,趕緊劃開了。

    和我爸不一樣。我媽不屑于翻我的東西寄托相思。我火辣辣的性格大部分遺傳自她,小部分來自于從小班干部的經驗。她熱愛于接受新事物。各個火的app都要玩一遍。一旦有個大概了解,第一件事就是找到我。微信的第一個好友是我,唱吧里聽完了我唱的每一首歌,抖音點贊了我的每個視頻。微信里搶到小小的紅包攢起來發給我一個大的。一邊讓我節約一邊給我打錢。

    我有兩個私生飯,一個喜歡在我的房間翻我的東西。一個喜歡在各個軟件里關注我的一舉一動。我就像個不稱職的偶像,在我行我素里享受粉絲所有的愛。


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